I saw you again tonight- beautiful, young, and healthy. I do not remember the roles we played or the content of our conversation, but I do recall the details of your face and the boundlessness of your roaring laughter. I wish the erasing power of wakefulness had not overtaken your words. Just like a dream, not to warn me ahead of time so I could take mental notes or pay more attention. I was just your sister and you weren’t dead, a minor moment in a lifetime full of grand events, pivotal incidents, and proverbial forks in the road.
I wish we had a weekly lunch date in some restaurant serving the midpoint between Earth and the Great Beyond where we could philosophize, talk about superheroes, what if scenarios, and routines on either side of the veil. I wish I could grab your face and kiss your cheek like you detested. I wish I could hear you make light of my tendencies, infuriating me. I wish I knew the timetable for your appearances so I could be better prepared to remember, to focus, to make it count. Maybe I could turn a tiny interaction into a grand adventure or some wise instruction could be the salve to the sometimes crushing sadness I feel without you. Read the rest of this entry