Tomorrow will be the 1 year anniversary of my brother, Josue’s departure to the Great Beyond. I miss him every day, but I am determined to keep his memory alive and to live an amazing life. He is always in my heart, in my thoughts. Laughter and joy are intertwined with the tears. That is unavoidable, but there are fewer tears now. I have discovered pictures of us I had forgotten I possessed. I wish I had more. I wish I hadn’t declined opportunities because I thought I was dressed inappropriately, or my hair was a mess, or I felt fat. Life is about living life now. Life is not about when I do this, am that…then I can…
This philosophy has inspired me to act more on my desires and to waste less time thinking about them. Whenever I doubt myself or I need a pep talk, I try to imagine I am my own friend. Depending on need, these are some of the statements I make, sometimes out loud:
Just make a choice. You will be okay no matter what you decide. Follow your intuition. Embrace yourself. Accept that without your past, you would not be the incredible you who is present today. Love every inch of your body, most especially the squishy parts. Shower yourself with praise, affection, and tenderness. Do not wait for love to come to you from the outside, but be the provider and do it with zest and zeal. You are worthy of love and it must begin with you. Tell those close to your heart how you feel today. Even better than telling, is showing as often as possible. We are all in this together. The good given, the love shared, the time spent on all relationships are the heart of life. Share your food, your thoughts, your laughter, your smile. Open your eyes to the beauty and goodness in the world. The more you look, the more you will see. Open your heart. Open your mind. Say yes more often. Listen to the wind, wisdom, the inventiveness of children, the conversations happening every day you only half hear. Listen. Forgiveness is a gift. Love. Love as much as you can. Love your family. Love your friends. Love strangers. Love roller coasters even though they sometimes make you nauseous. Love your furry, four-legged dingo with back scratches and cuddles. Love, love, love some ooey gooey coconut cream pie. Love. Let your freak flag fly. Don’t mind those who would keep you down. They have their own issues to sort. You and only you know what is in your heart. Follow it. You can do it, baby! You’ve made it this far.
Sometimes I listen, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I act and sometimes I stay still. My life is not all unicorns and rainbows, although there is surprisingly quite a bit of that. It is a better one and it keeps improving as I continue to learn, grow, accept, and experience. Much still remains on my to-do list, but I am creating a whole new world for myself and I am grateful for all the things that came before. Josue would be proud of my progress.