Feeling lost and alone is inevitable if we are not centered in our skin. All change begins within. All solutions are found inside. The body is the vessel for creation and exploration, fully being. Visualizing the range of gifts this flesh provides can open your heart and mind to the adventurous possibilities all around. Unfortunately, many times this truth is not discovered until an epic loss appears in our lives. For some, it is a door never opened. Others see it and see it again, but choose an easier, seemingly better path.
Before my brother, Josue, became ill and passed away, I took so much for granted. I berated myself in thought and action about being overweight, lamenting my real and imagined physical flaws. I made lovely lists of comparisons. My life belonged to the future. I would live it when. Sometimes the un-loving led to unhealthy decisions or habits. I did not accept myself. I was right there and I still could not see.
I saw suffering and I felt it deep within, beyond where skin meets tissue and bone and soul, where words are just inarticulate sounds, pain can be tasted and love is the only thing tying you to hope. Sometimes I had to survive it in 20 minute increments, one day was asking too much.